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21 August 2012 @ 09:23 am
Well now I'm going to have to write something. There is a complete lack of easily accessible Craigery Owens related fanfiction. This needs to be solved. I hate how I decided to get back into writing just as school is about to start and I'm just starting to become busy after doing nothing all summer. Isn't that just great. Oh well. Now the question is: with whom do you slash Craig? I've seen some with Jonny Craig, though I don't like it, possibly because if they got married Craig would be Craig Craig. And possibly because he is most definitely not attractive enough. Maybe Pete Wentz? Lol, or it that too weird because of the Ashlee thing? Hmm. Just gonna write and see what happens. Maybe even a girl??? Nahhhh, I can't write that. XP
Current Location: home
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Sex Life- D.R.U.G.S.
04 June 2012 @ 08:58 pm

I swear I lie so much that I don't even have anyone to talk to about anything because all my lies are running together and I can't keep straight who knows what. It's so sad. I need to make a change.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

28 December 2011 @ 11:39 pm
I don't know why I ever thought anybody cared about my life on this site. It's really just self indulgent. Might as well go with it.

I just read The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the first time and it was amazing. Truly amazing. It's scary how much I saw myself in Charlie. I think we shared the same detrimental flaw: we think too much. I over-analyze everything, and it kind of always ends up driving me crazy. I get paranoid and I have panic attacks because I think about things too much and then get nervous and yeah it's a dreadful cycle. But anyway, great book. I hope that if I ever do end up writing a novel, that it will be as beautiful as Perks.

In other news, I might be about to fuck up the only adult relationship I've ever had. I've been seeing this guy since July and things were going pretty well until recently. I kind of find myself with a fucking huge crush on his older brother. I mean mine is a sweet kid. He's a super hipster, wears cardigans and loafers, has a glorious beard, and likes intellectual music. However, he is a tool. He makes fun of the music I listen to because it's "too poppy and has no meaning," he has fucked, oh, probably around fifty percent of the girls I know, is extremely pushy about sex, is kind of scrawny and has dumb hair, and is needy and obnoxious as all hell. Conversely, the brother is freaking huge. Not fat huge, just huge. (I have a thing for men of the gigantic persuasion.) He has really cute long hair, is super friendly and socially functional which I admire, plays on an ADULT INDOOR SOCCER TEAM ^_^ (I also have a thing for men in soccer uniforms,) has the most beautiful singing voice I have ever heard come out of a guy, and is just a humble scene kid. NOT a hipster. He likes the same music as I do and doesn't give a shit if people say it's dumb, and he's just a really nice, genuinely good guy. Whoooo happens to be INSANELY hot, and has to flaunt it by walking around in freaking sweat pants with his hair up and his adorable glasses on when I go over to hang out with his brother. Gah! And he's a virgin, which is totally the other end of the spectrum from his brother, (the sex-crazed one I'm dating.) I imagine that the older brother, even though he is a virgin and this is all mere speculation, would be really gentle and cuddly in the sack. Like a giant, sexy teddy bear. With a huge cock. (This is confirmed to be true as it turns out.) Yo quiero. I want him so much. Gah this is pathetic. At this point I don't know if I should dump the brother because well, I don't like him a whole hell of a lot, or just keep seeing him because we always hang out with his brother so I'd get to see the attractive cuddly one more. (The one I'm dating doesn't drive because he's a pussy so he makes the other one drive us everywhere. Go figure.)

Anyway, that's my life, internet. As always, I'm pretty glad no one reads this because I'm sure I sound like a fucking idiot. Adios.
Current Location: dad's girlfriend's
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: A Brief Tutorial on VIP Production- Dubba Jonny
18 October 2011 @ 05:54 am
Livejournal is like my bed. It's nice and cozy and familiar and it makes me feel warm and safe. My insides feel fuzzy. :,D

Anyway, my life is a hot mess at the moment. Drivers' Ed doesn't suck as much as I'd thought it would, it's just the sheer amount of time that it eats up... It's seriously cutting into my How I Met Your Mother addiction.

And speaking of that. I just want a good story. I want what Lilly and Marshal have, is that too much to ask? That's all I've ever wanted since I was a little kid; to marry my best friend. And maybe this fantasy, this dream that feels so perfect, is making me miss out on something that could be great. But no matter how great something is, I can never get carried away. If it's not exactly like what I think a relationship should be like, I can't open myself up to it, regardless of how much I try to rationalize it. Maybe I'll never find what I'm looking for. I just want someone that doesn't make it hard to love them.
Current Location: the couch
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: All I Want- A Day To Remember
18 August 2011 @ 12:12 pm
Warped Tour you guys!!!! :D <-sarcasm....

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Current Location: my room
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Heartless- A Day To Remember
16 August 2011 @ 10:29 pm
I'd like to make some confessions.

I was stupid.
You were right.
I was wrong.
And I'm doing it again.

Ohey internet. :) Long time no see. I haven't posted here in forever. I sincerely miss ranting to myself. It's just that these past few months have just felt so lonely. So lonely in fact that I might be falling back into a place where I thought I'd never want to be again. That being said though, I don't have many other options. It's too late to go back to how things used to be now. I just miss having a support group I suppose. Even friends I know are my real friends aren't much help these days, everything is a joke, no one wants to hear it, everyone just wants to have funfunfun and never deal with the things that need to be dealt with. People need to grow up. Or maybe the problem is that they have, and I haven't. But that remains to be seen.

Anywho, I'm stressing out about college like crazy. It's sad that my entire life hinges on the fact that I get enough scholarships. Because if I don't take the right classes (instead of the ones I actually want to take,) and get perfect grades in those classes, then I won't get in the Top Ten, so I won't get enough scholarships to go to a college I want, which means I will be stuck. Here. For the rest of my life. It scares the living crap out of me, and no one understands what I'm going through because they all have other options. Other options of course being money. A luxury I do not have.

But talking about college makes me sad, for fear that it might not happen, so I think I'll just shut up and continue watching The Office reruns for now.
Tags: ,
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: And I Told Them I Invented Times New Roman- Dance Gavin Dance
04 June 2011 @ 04:17 pm
Ohey internet people. I've missed you.

I can smell April on his drenched sweater
The aroma of rain and now blooming spring
A shallow consolation it seems was my vow
As this is coming to be a regular thing.

If the downpour can’t cleanse the hands of doubt
I’ll make the call if you can’t quite decide for yourself
For it’s clearly not spring and I’m clearly not forgiving
A foolish misjudgment of season and self.

We stand under rainy shards of things once promised
Whether love unreflected or wrongly defined
It’s hard to believe it’s the season of life
When the scent you wear under the rain is not mine.

Wrote this a while back. Someone gave me the first two lines and I ran with it. I feel like it needs another stanza though, kinda leaves you hanging. Eh, I'll get to it when I get to it.
Tags: ,
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: nada
Words like "Always" should be deleted from the dictionary. From the English language entirely. I think it would save a lot of people a lot of trouble.
Current Location: basement
Current Music: Always- Panic! at the Disco
23 May 2011 @ 05:33 am
Erase all messages?

I wish I could erase all memories.

My phone depresses me. Instead I'll delete all the happy, sweet messages, (in a fit of rage? Maybe.) and save all the mean ones, all the arguments, all the ones that made me cry. I'll save them for a rainy day, just so I can read them later. I'll put myself back into that world, the world where you broke me and kicked me when I was down. I'll reread and relive everything until I'm crying as much as I did that first time. And then?

I'll delete all the pictures, but not all the pictures; I don't want to forget your face. I'd never forget your face, I see you everyday. But I don't want to forget you were mine. Were. I hate that word.

I don't want to wake up some mornings. I never want to get out of bed. You've drained everything from me. The energy from my muscles. The motivation from my heart. The sanity from my head. The light from my life. It truly is tiring doing nothing but thinking.
Current Location: the kitchen
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: nothing
19 May 2011 @ 06:24 am
Pretty much, I found out that there will be a NaNoWriMo camp this summer. Which is awesome because it's so hard to find time to write in November during school. However, as my laptop is out of commission as of late, this could be difficult as well. BUT, and I'm posting it here so I can't back out, (though I still probably will,) IF my computer is fixed before it starts, I shall be writing a novel! God I have so many ideas.. just no energy to get them on paper..
Current Location: the kitchen
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Bulletproof Heart- My Chemical Romance